Christmas with Mom!

Christmas with the family this year was good. On Christmas Eve we went to my uncle Timmy's. My little sister got a new camera and she took 52 bazillion pictures. Here are just a few!

My mom, me, Michelle and Kelly

Michelle, Kelly and I

I just realized that all of my sister's pictures are of her and everyone at the party. She does that at every family event. She's turning in to quite the photographer. I'll have to teach her how to take more interesting pictures though. :o)

Next I decided to spend the night at my mom's house so I could wake up with everyone Christmas morning, something I haven't done in a really long time.

Good Morning!!

Kyra is so cute!

Michelle with her new Chanel purse I got her for Christmas!
I think she loves it! She named it Chanel. She's silly!

Then it was off to see my G-pa at the nursing home. He's pretty much the biggest heart throb in nursing home history! Lol!

He used to be a boxer. He's still got it!

My mom helping him open his present and giving him back his hat. He loves hats. I have no idea why she looks so confused.

But then again she makes funny faces a lot! HAHA!

This one is a little better :o)

All-in-All I really had a good time with my family.

I'm happy that Christmas went so well. Tony met the whole fam and it was great having him there with me. I know the people that love me helped me not have a nervous break down! I'm lucky to have such great family and friends.

Saying good-bye to 2008

I did well through Thanksgiving and Christmas. I feel the new year crashing down on me. How do you say good-bye to the last year in which you enjoyed the company of your father? I miss him. I think I'm staying in this year. It's probably better for everyone.

Christmas doesn't come from a store?

In the spirit of Christmas I decided to post somethings that I do to celebrate Christmas. I am the biggest Christmas head in the world. Well maybe not the biggest. I don't have a light up Christmas sweater or anything. Actually I don't think I even have Christmas socks. I do have pj's though. They say Santa Baby, they're cute :o)

First my very favorite Christmas song is......

I love it!

My very favorite Christmas tradition is cookie making day which this year is this coming Saturday! My mom and my sister and my sister-in-law all make cookies together and listen to Christmas music or watch a Christmas movie. This year we're going to make some really pretty ones. I'm going to decorate them a lot. Also this year I'm going to make a Christmas cake. I'm really obsessed with making specialty cakes. So I will definitely post pictures of that once it's done.

Next of course are my favorite Christmas movies. My most very favorite is National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation. My daddy's family has always watched it every year on Thanksgiving. I also watch it 17 bazillion times during the holiday season

I absolutely love Elf. This is going to become the next Hogan Family tradition is to watch Elf on Christmas day.

The one next is the Grinch!

Lol, a Christmas story. My favorite part is at the end when they're at the Chinese food restraunt and the Chinese people are singing Deck the Halls to them. They're like "Deck the Harrs with barrs of horry, fa ra ra ra ra" lmao!!!

This was also the movie that made me curious enough to stick my tounge to metal in the freezer. Yeah I know, not smart but I was young, lol. I remember my mom wouldn't even help me. She said "you were dingy enough to do it!"

I also love Rudolf of course but I can never catch it when it's on TV!

I guess Friday After Next isn't technically a "Christmas" Movie but it has Christmas in it and it's hilarious!

Everybody loves Charlie Brown's Christmas

Christmas has always made me happy. It's also always made me really sensitive and always reminds me of what's important in life. The people I love and who is really important. I've definitely gotten to the age where I really could care less if I received gifts but I still LOVE buying things for others. I haven't gotten to enjoy that as much as I would have liked this year because we all know there is a money shortage :o) I don't need anything from anyone though, I just want to spend time with the ones I love.

Looking back my most favorite Christmas tradition is one that I no longer can have. That is shopping and dinner date with my daddy. We went every year just me and him. My most favorite father/daughter memory. Sometimes the thought of it makes me smile really big and sometimes the thought of it makes me horribly upset. No matter how busy my dad and I were we both always made sure every year we made time for our yearly date. Even last year when my dad was really sick he still went, no matter how many times I told him it was ok if he couldn't make it. He still went and stuck it out the whole night. I love him lots for that. I really didn't know it would be our last one. So this year in lou of my date with my dad I've decided to do some type of charity work. I think brightening someone's day that is less fortunate than me will help me get through a bad bad day. Volunteering is something I've really started to get into since he passed away. I think it's a good way to cope or to channel my sadness. I'm excited about it.

Christmas for me and for my children one day, will never come from a store. No matter how busy I get family will always come first.

Christgiving party

Saturday while I was supposed to be studying for 4 finals and working on 2 projects, I decided to go to my step-dad's family Thanksgiving/Christmas party. I have a horrible time passing up any type of family get together. The plan was to go for an hour and then leave. Of course I was there for a good 5 hours. Whatever. School is temporary, family is forever, right? Anyway here are a couple pictures from it.

My sister and I

My cousin Jamie and I (I have no idea what's going on with my hair)

My mom and my sister

The Holidays

So of course I knew the holidays would be difficult this year, obviously. Today was especially a really hard day. I went shopping with my bestest friend. We had a great time together. But it was Christmas shopping. The only activity my dad and I ever did together, just me and him. After dropping off Jenna I went to the cemetery. Holy cow was that a bad idea. Not only was I already on the verge of a breakdown knowing tomorrow I would be having my first family Thanksgiving without my father but as soon as I pulled up I could see people had left things for my dad on his grave. Judy had stuck a peice of wood in the ground that said "Jimmy, I will never forget you" and his best friend Kevin had wrote on the back of his business card "You are my best friend, I miss you" and put it in a little ziplock bag. I can't describe how it feels to see things like that. It reminds you that you're not alone, reminds you how amazing the person you're missing was that others, 7 months later, are maybe just as desperate as you to see their face again. I wrote a note of my own and stuck it in the ziplock bag with Kevin's. I'm going to really decorate his grave for Christmas. Christmas is going to suck, I will really miss our shopping and dinner we had every year.

I have to say though that I have turned my grief into something positive. I know months ago I didn't think that was ever going to be possible. Now more than ever I'm pushing myself to be the best possible person I can. Not to waste a minute. My father didn't get as much time on this earth as he wanted, so it would be selfish of me to waste the time I'm blessed with. I will be better than I was and he will be proudly watch me.

Yay for Birthdays!!

hmmm, 27. One year closer to 30. Friends of mine that are older than I am keep telling me that I'm going to get less and less excited about birthdays the older I get. I think they might be wrong. I still get pretty silly, giddy excited like a child, lol. I expect birthday hats, streamers, pins, and cakes. Especially cakes. Why wouldn't you want to celebrate another year of health, friends, family, etc. Yeah so some super crappy things happened last year. Doesn't mean I'm the rest of my life is going to be horrible. Sooo...... to celebrate I went bowling! Ok so maybe I am getting old, but that's ok with me. I'm excited about the next chapter

Here are some pictures from my birthday...

De'yana ( a great friend I met in college)


De'yana and her boyfriend Eric


I won!!!!


Tony and I- yes I gave him another chance and I'm lovin it :o)



Lisa and Jenna were there too but somehow they avoided pictures. Fun times!

We have fun

My family is probably the coolest family on the planet. Even though I want to strangle some members more often than others, I still love them like it's my job! My mom is especially amazing. We've always been close and done things together, but this summer knowing my brother and I would have a hard time, she made sure we got together at least once a month and had a really great time.

Our first night out was to dinner at Barleycorns and then to the harbor for drinks.

Jimmy & Kelly

My mom & I

My mom and step-dad

My mom and I again

We had a ton of fun that night. But our next trip out was better

We went to the Italianfest at Newport on the Levee...

The crew

We're funny

Kelly is peakin in

My brother and I


More fun

And lastly we went to Skinny Legs a new bar in Bellevue with yummy food and yummy beer.

My mom got something on her shirt! Bet it was beer!



Mmm. Cheeseburgers, beer, and family.

Hi!

Jimmy and Kelly, snugglin.

No more beer for me!

Aww brother and sister


Love it!

CHEESE FRIES.

They're seriously the best cheese fries ever.

Sisters!

I had the best time ever with them this summer and just looking at the pictures makes me want to have another family fun night! Funny how when you're like 17 or 18 years old you're way too cool to hang out with the family. Now it's one of my favorite things to do!

I don't want to talk about it

Ever had something happen to you that hurt so bad that you tucked it safely away under your mattress never to be brought back out again? Although it's so big that you know it can't possibly stay there for too long. It's not the best idea either. I know this because after I tucked it away my feelings turned from sorrow into anger. I'm not as happy as I used to be. My patience for ignorance is slim to none. Don't smile as much. I feel it is impossible to deal with. Every time I try to revisit it I lock up. I don't cry. I don't feel anything really. I'm numb again. Maybe all of this is part of the "cycle" people say you go through. I don't know what it is but I know I'm not okay, although I'm good at pretending to be. I guess if you're desperate for something that's impossible you can go a little crazy. Sometimes I just want someone to tell me what to do to make it go away.
I miss my daddy.

Feelings and such

Have you ever had to fight yourself over feelings? Of course you have, I know I'm not the only one. I am in like a knock down drag out fight to the finish with myself. I have the most ridiculous feelings for a man that did me wrong. And now I know that I sound like those ignorant women out there that stay with the men that hurt them. Well let me start off by saying I didn't stay. I left. Immediately. So dramatically that I hopped the next 3 hour flight home. F$#$ that I was outta there. No questions asked. I've always been a tough chic. I might have stuck by my man through some deep shit but you cross the line and you're dead to me. Feelings gone, like they were never there. So here I am a year and a half later still having that strong connection with this man that promises he's turned over a new leaf. I've finally "fixed" that bad boy I've always been attracted to. Have I though? How do you really judge it? How do you figure it out? How do you determine whether going back would be the best decision of your life or the worst?? People change right? I've never had a problem with confidence so I know I'm worth it. Especially should be to this man because he was my king and I did everything I could to show him that. I want to believe that the heart doesn't lie. And my heart is aching for him to be back next to me. There is a part of me that is really fighting that though. It wants to seek out others to take his place, unfortunately in the last year and a half I've been all up and through that. No one comes near him. They don't even graze the surface. Even my best friend that hated him for what he did to me believes there's a change in him. It's possible.... Right?