The Holidays

So of course I knew the holidays would be difficult this year, obviously. Today was especially a really hard day. I went shopping with my bestest friend. We had a great time together. But it was Christmas shopping. The only activity my dad and I ever did together, just me and him. After dropping off Jenna I went to the cemetery. Holy cow was that a bad idea. Not only was I already on the verge of a breakdown knowing tomorrow I would be having my first family Thanksgiving without my father but as soon as I pulled up I could see people had left things for my dad on his grave. Judy had stuck a peice of wood in the ground that said "Jimmy, I will never forget you" and his best friend Kevin had wrote on the back of his business card "You are my best friend, I miss you" and put it in a little ziplock bag. I can't describe how it feels to see things like that. It reminds you that you're not alone, reminds you how amazing the person you're missing was that others, 7 months later, are maybe just as desperate as you to see their face again. I wrote a note of my own and stuck it in the ziplock bag with Kevin's. I'm going to really decorate his grave for Christmas. Christmas is going to suck, I will really miss our shopping and dinner we had every year.

I have to say though that I have turned my grief into something positive. I know months ago I didn't think that was ever going to be possible. Now more than ever I'm pushing myself to be the best possible person I can. Not to waste a minute. My father didn't get as much time on this earth as he wanted, so it would be selfish of me to waste the time I'm blessed with. I will be better than I was and he will be proudly watch me.