believe

The last couple days have been horribly hard.  I wrestled with things for months.  I've been diving into my faith for a couple of years on and off, figuring out what I believe, learning how to build that relationship, lacking dicipline and dedication to it.  I've really tried to talk to God through this, to know what the right path is.  While I think He's given me information to make a choice, I just didn't feel confident, like maybe He was being silent.  I am the type of person who doesn't like to deal with hard things (who does right?)  No matter what it is.  That doesn't mean that I don't ultimately deal with them, but I really don't like it.  I always want someone to tell me what to do.  This time I thought maybe this was God's test.  It was time for me to do something horribly hard without someone else telling me it had to be done.  Time for me to trust what I was feeling, even if I'm not 100% sure.  It was time for me to trust Him.  How many times have I stayed in a spot that wasn't right because I wasn't 100% sure?  When are we ever 100% sure of anything?  And if we are then there's not a reason to make a change.  We're all on a path, some can be wildly different than others, but I believe you must follow the one that you know in your heart of hearts is right, no matter how hard it is.  No matter how scared or unsure you are of what lies ahead.  No matter how much you love what is left behind; you can't force a life you weren't made for.  I believe that there is a plan, for all of us, a perfect plan, one that is right in everyway, one where who we are is completely celebrated, we just have to be brave enough step out and live it.  Maybe in the end that path takes a big swirly adventure right back to where you were, stronger and better than before.  Or maybe, just maybe, it takes you somewhere entirely different.  Either way I believe it will be okay.  I believe in His plan.