Get Over It

I'm not going to lie I've been in a slump. A pretty major one. I've been keeping it in a pretty tightly closed bottle too. I think it's because I'm sick of talking about it. I've had this 'get over it' type motto lately; it's just not effective; at all. I've really been wanting to be a better friend, better sister, better daughter, all of that. I just don't know that I'm doing a great job of it. I can't figure out why either. I thought to write about it on here because I decided to go the the Renaissance Festival with my best friend forever Jenna. It's not my type of thing but she wanted to to go so I was all for it. So we go, we walk around, we look through the shops, etc.

Of course there are psychics and I've been to them before. So we decide to get our cards read. This lady read me like a book. It was so creepy, as it always is when a tarot card reader knows what they're doing. She first talked about the slump I'm in, that I need to pull out of it before it gets any deeper. She talked about the heartbreak I've had in the past that's holding me back. She knows I'm not a fan of my new job but that I'm stuck for now and that I'm afraid of getting stuck there for the rest of my life. She said I'm not much of a dreamer anymore like I used to be. She said my mom hurts for the stuff I'm going through but she doesn't know how to help because our lives are so different.

She said I want to be in love but I won't even entertain the thought. That I really need to work on it. She said " you can't find true love if you're not even taking applications." She's right and I know she is. She told me to make a list of what I want in a person and to just put it out there, to know what I want and stick to it. She said I'm meant to fall in love, I'm meant to have a family.

She said family is the most important thing to me and that wasn't hard to see. She said my family will mostly be gathered around my home and my table during the holidays that I would hold it together. She did say I will have kids. She said next year I'll really start to want to have kids and that if I was still single I'd be the type of woman to have a baby with or without a man. I'm hoping it doesn't come to that but I think she's a little bit right about me, on that; I've done everything else by myself.

She said in the next couple months I would start hearing direction on what to do with my life and that I just need to listen and trust and keep dreaming. The last thing she talked about in my initial reading was my future and she said I should write. That I have a gift in it. That I should be published. I was really really shocked by this. I've had family and friends say they love reading my blog. That I write well. I guess this is just something that I really never thought I was good at. I guess I've never really felt passionate about it either. I like it, it's a release, but not a real passion. She told me to write everyday so I'm kind of going with it. I'll just need to find things to write about.

She then asked me if I had any questions. Of course I asked about my dad. Last time I asked a psychic about my dad she just kind of talked to me about him and that was pretty amazing. This time she flipped over some cards which would represent his advice or words to me and I would interpret them. The first card she said basically meant 'get over it' or 'get on with it.' It was really weird because although it was a bit hurtful, I kind of got it because the next card went with the first one and it said 'just do it.' So it was like he was saying quit letting him being gone hinder me. So get on with it, do things, quit making excuses and not doing things because of a him. It was like a stab through the heart but it made sense. First thing I thought was 'alright dad how bout you come back and I'll die and you can just get your ass on with it.' Not in a horribly morbid depressing way but, you know, it's true. This shit ain't easy and I don't want to still be making excuses 2 1/2 years later but when I'm down about something all I can think about is how great it would be to have my father's shoulder to lean on. I know I gotta get on with it because when I think that way it only makes it worse. I get it, I do. I just don't know where to go from here. She flipped over some more cards and the other one that really stuck out was 'pay it forward.' I really loved that one. A lot of my motivation to finally get out and volunteer, etc was because of him. I think that's died down some since I've gotten back from New Orleans. She also asked me if I see a lot of pennies and nickels on the ground. I really do, I notice them ALL THE TIME. I told her they're always heads up too. I told her I always leave them for the next person as kind of a pay it forward. She said he leaves them for me, she said they're 'I love yous' I hope that's true, if nothing else it will make me smile.

So yeah I think that's what I needed to hear. I just hope it's a big enough push. I know things need to happen, things need to chance but it's like they say- easier said.