Stuck....

More and more I'm beginning to think that some of us are trapped. I've been trying hard lately to figure out what it is I am supposed to be doing with the rest of my days. There is no way that I can do the regular 9 to 5, come home make, dinner, watch sitcoms and go to bed only to do it all over again in the morning. I would go insane; I may already be halfway there.

I admit I'm not the best at saving money and being smart about planning for the future. I've always taken my life day by day. I could be dead tomorrow for all I know so why am I putting a certain percentage of my pay check in a stock account for when I turn 55? I could be using that money to see the world. Maybe one day I'll wake up and wish I would have been 'smarter.' I'm already over my head in student loan debt, with degree that doesn't really do anything for me at the moment and I don't see it doing much in the near future either; let's be honest. I want to travel the world, snap pictures, help those less fortunate and write about it. What is my degree going to do to help me get there? The way I see it is it's holding me back from getting there. I could have used that thirty grand to pay for my travels.

Last night I was in a bad bad mood, in a bad bad way. Office job had me on the brink of skipping town, never to return. I went to bed last night trying to remind myself of how fortunate I really am. I thought about maybe getting a second job to take care of some things and prepare myself for what I want to do when I'm released of my obligations to my current employer. I woke up this morning ready to take on the world again, only to find a puddle of water in my dining room. No the cats didn't spill their water bowl, no no that would be too easy. Instead there is water leaking from my roof. Who hates me and why? I can't wait to see how much this adds on to my never ending 'bill.'

I understand that I still have a roof, a semi-warm home, food, clothes, etc. Let me not be ungrateful. It's just weird to me that someone that wants to help, wants to use her life to help others seemingly can't. I can't drop all of my financial obligations to do something better than myself. Boo hoo me right? It's just a weird system to me. The one that we live in. I can not afford to take on a life of helping others. Why is that? Because I chose to get an education. Does anyone else not see this as WEIRD? I've learned more through reading books myself that I've come close to learning in a university. But hey, I have that piece of paper that says I'm somewhat smart (since the Bachelor's degree is becoming standard.)

I'm trying to figure out where to begin to dig myself and start the life I see for me. Sometimes it just feels like the roof is caving in; figuratively and literally.