end of the trek

I know posted a little bit of information about a local man, Brandon, who left for a trek across the country to raise money and awareness for cancer. We'll he's back and I very much enjoyed following him on-line, seeing where he was, looking at his pictures and his travels. I’ll be one of the first in line to buy the book he plans to write.

Before he left he took pictures from people whose loved ones died of cancer and he planned to leave the pictures as a trail along his journey. I went to his benefit and I took him a picture of my daddy. I loved the idea of my dad travelling with him on this amazing journey and I looked at his pictures everyday to see where my dad would end up. Every couple of days I’d see a picture of a picture in his mobile uploads, I’d click it and read the story or the person he was leaving in his path. My dad never showed up. This was a struggle for me. I never in a million years want to discount what Brandon did. It’s truly truly amazing. He went 2,200 miles which he tried to do by foot but when he got to Missouri (note that he walked/ ran 650 miles) he physically couldn't go any further. He rested for a week and did the rest by bike; he could have given up but didn’t. He has touched so many hearts, given so much hope, and just really brightened the hearts and souls of so many people. I can’t say I wasn’t disappointed that I gave a picture of my dad and it wasn’t left; I was really excited about it. I realize that’s selfish but it sucked a little for me. I guess that just wasn’t my dad’s journey. I’m far from having any hard feelings about it.

I’ve decided to leave his picture in each city on my journey through the ‘south’ as well as leaving his picture in Gatlinburg when I go for my 30th birthday. I told my best friend forever about it and she said ‘Well I guess you’re just going to have to leave his picture in Gatlinburg when we go for your birthday.’ I loved it. She knows me and my connection with Gatlinburg and how much my dad loved it there. It’s the last trip he took before he died and I wasn’t able to go with him…

I guess Brandon and his truly remarkable journey wasn’t supposed to be my dad’s; I think I’m supposed to leave him on mine…

Let's get outta this town tonight...

Last year I went on a mission trip to New Orleans. I went to help people heal from the terrible tragedy that was and still is hurricane Katrina. During the trip I was on the photo team. We took pictures of families that lost everything in the storm. It was by far the most fulfilling, most amazing trip I have ever been a part of. I was on cloud nine for months after returning.

This year I regretfully decided to forgo the trip to New Orleans. I thought it was an okay decision for me when I made it, however the last couple of weeks I've really been struggling with my decision. Let me back up. When I made the decision not to go it was purely based on resources. I am a horrible fundraiser and I didn't want to end up putting what I couldn't raise on credit. I thought that was the right thing for me to do; the responsible thing to do.

I decided that since I'm working on a spiritual journey I would take a smaller trip, by myself, take pictures, write and just quiet my mind. Do some soul searching. You know like some people do when they travel around Europe but this would be the easier more cost effective version. So here's what I came up with for my trip around the south, well not south, south but more south than me...

Day 1: Home to Louisville. 1 hour 30 mins driving.
Day 2: Louisville to Nashville. 3 hours.
Day 3: Nashville to Memphis. 3 hours 30 mins. Go to the Neely's BBQ!
Day 4: Memphis to Decatur Alabama. 3 hours 30 mins

Day 5: Decatur to Chattanooga. 2 hours
Day 6: Chattanooga to Knoxville. 2 hours.
Day 7: Knoxville to Lexington. 2 hours.
Day 8: Lexington to Home. 3 hours.

Eight days might be a little bit too much so I may cut out Louisville or Lexington if needed. So the idea is to get up bright and early every morning, travel to my next destination, stop along the way to look around, take pictures, to be quiet and just think. Enjoy my surroundings. Take it all in. I'm thinking the fall might be the best time to go. Kentucky and Tennessee in the fall are so pretty.

You may be thinking "if you couldn't afford New Orleans how are you going to afford this?" Well I'm selling an old car and I'm taking my sister with me. So it will be a lot cheaper. I'm still bummed I didn't plan better to be able to go to New Orleans but I'm looking forward to getting away and doing something different.

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years...

I started reading this book today on the bus, on my way to work. It was recommended to me by a person that I think is wonderful so I figured it had to be good. I'm only 30 pages in and I'm already a fan. The author Donald Miller has written another book, a memoir, and I very much want to pick that book up as well. Right now in the book they're discussing when this memoir, Blue Like Jazz, was made into a movie. I'll be looking for that on Netflix!

Because a book doesn't translate well on film Miller has to recreate himself for the film. At first he's apprehensive about this but after thinking about it he's happy about being able to recreate himself into the person he would like to be. This struck me. He described it as making himself into this more confident man, good with the ladies, etc. He puts it like this:

"I was creating the person I wanted to be, the person worth telling stories about. It never occurred to me that i could re-create my own story, my real life story, but in an evolution I had moved toward a better me. I was creating someone I could live through, the person I'd be if I redrew the world, a character that was me but flesh and soul other. And flesh and soul better too."

I loved this because immediately wanted to do the same thing. Think about the me I want to be and make it happen, live through her, become her. This is something I will do; and not just talk about. I'll have to spell out who she'll be in the weeks to come.

It's funny, he also talks about how we don't remember our lives. We remember certain things that happen but not full detail. One of his friends resorts to writing everything down to remember his life. That's what I started this blog for. Not only to write about my journey, but to remember it later in life. I have one of the worst memories known to man. Miller says in the beginning of his book that he hopes he has a good story to tell God when he gets to heaven. That his life's stories are interesting. I hope so too.

I'm going to Cancun...

In 4 days!

Free

Don't a lot of us just feel tied down? There are so many things that can make you feel that way. Our jobs? Cash? Emotional or physical scars? Parents? Children? School? The list could go on and it's different for everyone...

This year so far has been really good to me. My mood has improved. My outlook has improved. My smile to frown ratio has improved :) The feeling in my soul has improved. Where I used to complain I find a blessing. Still there's one thing that holds me down. Keeps me from being completely 'free.' It's a work in progress every single day and I think a wall is being chipped away. When I think about it; I smile. The journey is long and not over but it's moving along and it feels amazing...

Trek for the Cure

A couple of weeks ago I stopped by a fundraiser for a local man (pictured left) who has started his own movement for the fight against cancer. To raise money and awareness he is running/walking from Fountain Square in downtown Cincinnati to Santa Monica California. His name is Brandon Perry and he's a local club promoter who has lost one too many people to cancer.

He and I have several mutual friends on facebook and I saw what he was doing through them. I requested to be his friend to see if I could find our more information about it or help in some way. I went to his website: http://www.trekforthecause.com/ where I found that he left for his journey on April 3rd, the three year anniversary of my daddy's passing. I wrote on his facebook wall telling him how much I admired what he was doing, that my dad too has passed away from cancer and he coincidentally was leaving on the anniversary. He said if I got a picture of my father to him he would take it with him on his journey.

I took my picture to him on the day of his fundraiser at Lunar. I loved how genuine he was. Some people do good things for praise; to be noticed. I could tell right away that this was not Brandon's motives. You could tell he cared, he was truly sorry for my loss and he reminded me that his Trek for the cause was for my dad. He told me he was leaving a trail of pictures from here to California of all the pictures he'd received from people. He will be taking a picture of where he leaves my father's photo so I can see where his photo will be. He gave me a big hug and I wished him good luck.

I also stopped by his send off on fountain square yesterday. I got there pretty early so it wasn't in full swing when I was there but I've heard it was an amazing send off. I look forward to seeing where he is on his journey everyday as he updates his followers via facebook. It is such an amazing selfless thing to do and I'm not sure if he knows what it means to those of us who are effected by cancer. It means more to me than I thought it would. Thank you Brandon for being an inspiration.

I used to love motorcycles...

I traveled down to south Florida in May of 2008, to visit one of the most amazing people living; Aaron. It was a month after my dad died so I was having a great time and then with the blink of an eye I was having a horrible time. I felt the best when I was on the back of his motorcycle. We drove around and the ocean breeze on my skin as we flew down the highway or on a road that ran parallel to the ocean was ah-maze-ing. I can't describe it. I guess if you like motorcycles you know what I'm trying to describe. All I know is that I was obsessed with getting one since that trip. I did a lot of thinking that year. About my dad, about loss, about life, about so many things. I thought about jumping on a bike and just riding, thinking about things with that wind at my face, more than it was probably healthy to. Of course since I never ended up buying a bike the feeling dwindled but I knew if I ever ended up on the back of a bike again that feeling would come back. I still get this feeling, kind of like that "going down the hill on a roller coaster" feeling in the pit of my stomach when I hear an engine rev by. I even used to have a saying "If I dated you and you had a bike, then you know why I dated you" lol of course that doesn't apply to A-ron :)


Tuesday night my best friend in the whole wide world called me and said "your best friend almost died today, like in real life." She had also gone down to Florida visit her stepfather, who is an avid Harley fan. He took her for a ride on the back of his bike and wrecked into a truck on the highway. She flew off the bike at 55 mph, flipped over the truck and went tumbling across the pavement. She said she couldn't be sure how many times she flipped and when she finally came to a stop she wasn't sure if she was still alive. When she realized she was she crawled to the side of the highway to her step-dad and waited for the ambulance, who was surely called by someone who saw the accident.


The good news in this story is that aside from her bruises, swelling, etc she was not majorly injured. No broken bones, no permanent damage. Her stepfather sustained more serious injuries but will be okay.


I was kind of in shock when she told me. I guess just glad she was okay. But when I really stopped to think about it, it really freaked me out. This is my very best friend in the world. She held my hand in the hospice room when my dad took his last breath. Every single detail of my life she knows. She knows me better than anyone in this world. Had she not been wearing a helmet she'd be dead. She FLEW off a motorcycle over a truck and flew across the pavement! I cannot imagine that happening to me. And she got herself up and crawled to the side of the road. I know she was scared but I know she is STRONG. I thank GOD she's okay. I wouldn't have been able to handle any other outcome. I feel that saying, you're only given what you can handle, and that must be true. Losing her would have killed me. So thank you daddy for watching over my bestest friend in the whole wide world. And thank you God for the reality check. You never ever know what tomorrow will bring. I'm becoming really good at not holding grudges, not holding onto dead weight and enjoying every second.


I think this sums it up "If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?"


Thank you Jenna for always being there for me no matter what. When I called you at 1am cause my dad was in the hospital and things weren't sounding good. You got up and went with me. You listen to every crazy story of what goes on in my life and you encourage me no matter what I choose to do. I've never had to second guess our friendship for a second, in the last 8, 9, 10 years. We've laughed and we've cried together and we've laughed until we cried. We've danced on the table in the middle of a cruise ship dining room with 1,500 people watching us shake what our mamma's gave us, had our own parking spot at vertigo, lived in my momma's basement together, we were the best damn shoe sales women Dillard's has ever seen, made Christmas snowflakes with paper and scissors while highly intoxicated, we carried out top secret missions in Gatlinburg and successfully made a grown man run screaming out into the woods from a perfectly safe cabin, we both recovered from our "Tony's," we've learned life's lessons together, and helped each other through them, we've encouraged each other and have never looked down on one another for silly decisions we might change if we could. This list could go on for days, but most importantly, we've made our father's proud. You ain't gettin' out of this life that easy! We still have to get married and have little babies at the same time and they'll grow up and fall in love with each other! We're gonna be old women, who sit and talk about old men. I love you Jennifer Grause forever and ever amen. You're the best woman I know :)

p.s. we should have a song, may I suggest :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eY6xCYplIpk