Friday, January 6, 2012

Sleep in Peace Momo

I don’t even know where to start.  I laid awake for the past two nights thinking about all the fun times we had together.  All the conversations we had about life,about your mom and my dad, gone too soon.  How no one else understood us unless they suffered the same loss; glad we had each other’s shoulder to lean on.  And here I am, with no shoulder, no crutch,no Momo.  

You being gone didn't seem real, to be honest I'm still processing it.  It definitely took your funeral for it to sink in some.  It wasn't surprising to see all the people who loved you; how much your family loved you.  Saying good-bye to you was the second hardest thing I've ever had to do.  I had to fight with my company I work for as to whether ornot your funeral qualified for bereavement time, because you weren't family.  I told a friend of mine and she made an obvious point, she said “he WAS your family.”  And you were, I called you bro and you called me sis.  You were most definitely like a brother to me and I loved you like one, I've truly never loved a man outside of my family more than I loved you, with my whole heart. People asked me all the time why you and I never dated, and I'd always reply "I know I live in Kentucky and all but I'm not gonna date my brother."

I didn’t only consider you my brother but my best male friend in the world.  I could tell you anything and I knew it was safe with you and it wouldn’t be judged.  You were one of the few people who knew the real me, you could always read me like a book.  You'd call and I'd try my best to hide a bad day or a broken heart and you would just know and say "what's wrong" and you'd talk me through it.  You had told me more than once that there were things about yourself that you could only tell me.  I kept your secrets, always will and I loved you with all of your flaws.  You lifted me up every time I was down.  You could make me smile no matter how upset I was.  Losing the only man in the world that knew the real me, just isn't fair.

One of my favorite memories with you was the year my mom was out of town on mother’s day so I tried my best to make you this big home cooked Puerto Rican meal.  The Pollo Fricassee was really good and so was the rice but the plantains or plantanos hahaha not so much.  We tried like 4 times to get them right and burned the shit out of ourselves with hot grease.  Either way it was a really good day.  Your birthday party at Gameworks was another one of my favorites too.  To see the surprise and joy on your face was priceless.  I had never seen you so happy before and you really deserved it.  Or Amanda’s birthday at PF Changs when we were all highly intoxicated and harassed our waiter for putting us at the coldest table in the restaurant.  New Years Eve last year when you FINALLY taught me how to salsa dance to Rihanna.  Or the story of how we met in the first place.  We both worked in 24 hour banking and a crazy Mary Kay lady called and you got the call, she was looking for me and wanted me to sell Mary Kay.  So everyday from then on you'd IM me, e-mail me or come over to my desk to let me know my Mary Kay, Cover Girl, Loreal, whatever was ready for pick up.  Or when you moved in with me for a week.   I almost made a blog about how horrible of anidea it was to move in with your best male friend.  In one weeks time, you ate 18 of my ice cream sandwiches, left the TV and DVD play on every single night, not once did you put the toilet seat down, left clean laundry on the laundry room floor, sang as loud as you could in the shower,  locked my cat in your closet for at least 12 hours, and you failed to mention to me when you moved out,  lol.  We also went to the movies and you wore my Kids Olympics gold medal around your neck and stuck your chest out at everyone so they'd see it :)  I know there were more on the list but I can’t remember them.  I would give anything to have that back and as much as I wanted to drop kick you then, I can smile about it now. 

Sometimes I don’t think you realized how much joy you brought to those around you.  I don’t know that you realized that was one of your many gifts in life.  You were always goofing off always making sure  those around you were smiling.  I alwaysadmired how you excelled at everything you did.  You never did anything half assed.  You were a banker at US Bank, but you were always top 5%.  You moved up to manager and your team was top 5%.  You got into MMA and you put your whole heart and soul into it.  You were an amazing poet, singer, writer, friend, uncle, brother, son, the list could go on.  You over came so much in your life and I was always proud of what you had made for yourself.  It hurts my heart to know I will never see what you could have made of yourself someday, because I know you were destine for greatness.  

I will miss our pizza parties and Kat Williams marathons.  I will miss you doing the butterfly to peanut butter jelly time.  I will miss you making fun of me and my strawberry cupcakes.  I will miss your incredible contagious smile. I will miss calling you a dirty Mexican and you calling me a dirty hillbilly. I will miss you making fun of the racks on my truck and me asking you how many tacos you’d had for the day.   I will miss bee bopin’ (which I said the other day and immediately started crying.)  I will miss posting ridiculous pictures of Kobe Bryant to your FaceBook wall.  I will definitely miss our facebook banter.  I will miss meeting up and watching basketball at the levee.  I will miss our ice cream dates.  I will miss going back and forth with you about that little gorilla lookin' man Manny Pacquiao (who I will be rooting for now.)  I will miss your absolutely hilarious voicemails.  I will miss our conversations via sametime(well I already did.)  I will miss you singing you are my sunshine randomly.  I will miss your Martin, Jerome in the house, impersonations.  I will miss your hilarious impersonations of your daddy, whom I know you loved so much.  I will miss your rants in Spanish that no one could understand.  We didn't talk quite as much as we used to in the last 4 months as we did before.  Man I didn't realize how much I missed you until now. A piece of my heart left with you.  I forgot how much fun we had together and how much I laughed every single day with you.  

I looked through some of our FaceBook banter for a laugh and I found that you told me you missed me a few months back and I didn't respond.  Ugh it makes me sick.  I didn't even realize you said it.  

Some fun ones I love:

U are the air in my lungs...the driving force in my soul.... a reflection of true beauty.. Besos xo,.
 ·  · April 9, 2011 at 12:46am

  • You like this.

    • Amy Hogan Keep your head up love.
      April 9, 2011 at 1:10am · 

    • Jason Mojica I shall... HENCE FORTH!! lol
      April 9, 2011 at 1:44am ·  ·  1


"Just walked into UDF and went hard buying milk..." -because you knew I hated when people say I go hard

"Hey my name is Amy, please allow me to tell it to ya!"

"I Heart u"

"HEY YOU WOODCHUCKS!!!!!!"

Guerrilla neck lookin boi
 ·  · January 5, 2011 at 3:44pm · 

    • Jason Mojica U sayin I'm strong? ??
      January 5, 2011 at 3:56pm · 

    • Amy Hogan I'm sayin u borderline no neck
      January 5, 2011 at 4:23pm ·  ·  1

    • Jason Mojica haha
      January 5, 2011 at 6:37pm · 


Feliz Navida!!! It's a Christmas miracle! luuuuuhhhhhh ya!
 ·  · December 25, 2010 at 10:03am

    • Amy Hogan lol luv u back!
      December 25, 2010 at 2:55pm · 


Dear BFF,

I miss your face, big time. I think we should hang out one day. I fixed my netflix for you and everything.

Sincerely,
Your BFF

P.S.- Love your face.
 ·  · December 21, 2010 at 9:21am · 


Just wondering why u hate me?
 ·  · December 8, 2010 at 10:48am

    • Amy Hogan because Santa's sleigh won't fly this Christmas because you don't have any CHRISTMAS SPIRIT!
      December 8, 2010 at 10:52am ·  ·  2

    • Amanda Hesketh Amy...hate never lifted santa's sleigh either!!!
      December 8, 2010 at 11:04am · 

    • Amy Hogan lol i didnt say hate he did. And Santa's sleigh doesn't run off non-hatefulness, kay? I don't make the rules, I just follow them.
      December 8, 2010 at 11:21am · 

    • Jason Mojica Screw u, santa, and his pinto ass sleigh
      December 8, 2010 at 11:47am · 

    • Amy Hogan lmao your mexican ass said pinto


  • Amy Hogan I had 8 cupcakes.
    December 2, 2010 at 9:01am · 

  • Jason Mojica Hahaha.... Amy Hogan<--- hot mess
    December 2, 2010 at 9:36am · 


Spanish thanks giving Dinner, Mojica home, Thursday,bring your green hat... nuff said!
 ·  · November 23, 2010 at 9:30pm

    • Amy Hogan hahaha SNOOP A LOOP! What time?
      November 23, 2010 at 9:31pm · 

    • Jason Mojica anytime in the afternoon, i have to ask my step mom what time they eatin... between 4-6, somewhere in there... Lots of cake haha
      November 23, 2010 at 9:32pm · 

    • Amy Hogan ok I got that volunteer thing from 10-2 then my fam til iono when but i'll try to make it especially if there's cake.
      November 23, 2010 at 9:33pm · 

    • Jason Mojica Naw, the food is gonna be amazing...trust...
      November 23, 2010 at 9:34pm ·  ·  1


I have a surprise for you and it's electric!!!!
 ·  · October 19, 2010 at 8:51pm · 

    • Jason Mojica Hahaha... stfu... u know Drew is gonna get jealous...
      October 19, 2010 at 8:52pm · 

    • Amy Hogan hahaha yea he does love electricity *dancin*
      October 19, 2010 at 8:54pm · 

    • Jason Mojica Boogie woogie woogie... this probably will never get old


THANK YOOOOUUU!!!!!!!
 ·  · June 12, 2010 at 11:03pm

    • Jason Mojica Your the best bestie!
      June 12, 2010 at 11:04pm · 

    • Amy Hogan you're welcome plum! I'm glad you guys had a good night :)


A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and sings it back to you when you have forgotten how it goes.
 ·  · May 21, 2010 at 9:05am

    • Amy Hogan Aww you forgot it, let me sing it to ya, IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME-- PEANUT, BUTTA JELL-AY! :) lubbs ur face off bestie!


Your last message to me, one day before you died, will always stick with me:

"i see u got u a lil southern lover lol thats wassup i'm happy 4 u ma.  he better not break your heart..."your achy breaky heart!"

I didn't even get a chance to respond :(  I love you and miss you already Jason; I can't believe you're really gone.  As long as I’m alive, your memory will never die.  Your string of lights will always be bright to me.  See you when I get there, but in the mean time say hi to my daddy for me.  





















When I heard you were gone I immediately thought of this song...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Beautifully written Amy. So sorry for your tremendous loss. Jason was a great guy! You two were soulmate friends. He is definitely gone too soon but is now watching over you from heaven. He has joined your guardian angel team.

Forever and ever Amen!
Jenna

Anonymous said...

Absolutely beautiful. He always spoke so highly of you.