I don’t even know where to start. I laid awake for the past two nights thinking about all the fun times we had together. All the conversations we had about life,about your mom and my dad, gone too soon. How no one else understood us unless they suffered the same loss; glad we had each other’s shoulder to lean on. And here I am, with no shoulder, no crutch,no Momo.
I didn’t only consider you my brother but my best male friend in the world. I could tell you anything and I knew it was safe with you and it wouldn’t be judged. You were one of the few people who knew the real me, you could always read me like a book. You'd call and I'd try my best to hide a bad day or a broken heart and you would just know and say "what's wrong" and you'd talk me through it. You had told me more than once that there were things about yourself that you could only tell me. I kept your secrets, always will and I loved you with all of your flaws. You lifted me up every time I was down. You could make me smile no matter how upset I was. Losing the only man in the world that knew the real me, just isn't fair.
One of my favorite memories with you was the year my mom was out of town on mother’s day so I tried my best to make you this big home cooked Puerto Rican meal. The Pollo Fricassee was really good and so was the rice but the plantains or plantanos hahaha not so much. We tried like 4 times to get them right and burned the shit out of ourselves with hot grease. Either way it was a really good day. Your birthday party at Gameworks was another one of my favorites too. To see the surprise and joy on your face was priceless. I had never seen you so happy before and you really deserved it. Or Amanda’s birthday at PF Changs when we were all highly intoxicated and harassed our waiter for putting us at the coldest table in the restaurant. New Years Eve last year when you FINALLY taught me how to salsa dance to Rihanna. Or the story of how we met in the first place. We both worked in 24 hour banking and a crazy Mary Kay lady called and you got the call, she was looking for me and wanted me to sell Mary Kay. So everyday from then on you'd IM me, e-mail me or come over to my desk to let me know my Mary Kay, Cover Girl, Loreal, whatever was ready for pick up. Or when you moved in with me for a week. I almost made a blog about how horrible of anidea it was to move in with your best male friend. In one weeks time, you ate 18 of my ice cream sandwiches, left the TV and DVD play on every single night, not once did you put the toilet seat down, left clean laundry on the laundry room floor, sang as loud as you could in the shower, locked my cat in your closet for at least 12 hours, and you failed to mention to me when you moved out, lol. We also went to the movies and you wore my Kids Olympics gold medal around your neck and stuck your chest out at everyone so they'd see it :) I know there were more on the list but I can’t remember them. I would give anything to have that back and as much as I wanted to drop kick you then, I can smile about it now.
Sometimes I don’t think you realized how much joy you brought to those around you. I don’t know that you realized that was one of your many gifts in life. You were always goofing off always making sure those around you were smiling. I alwaysadmired how you excelled at everything you did. You never did anything half assed. You were a banker at US Bank, but you were always top 5%. You moved up to manager and your team was top 5%. You got into MMA and you put your whole heart and soul into it. You were an amazing poet, singer, writer, friend, uncle, brother, son, the list could go on. You over came so much in your life and I was always proud of what you had made for yourself. It hurts my heart to know I will never see what you could have made of yourself someday, because I know you were destine for greatness.
I will miss our pizza parties and Kat Williams marathons. I will miss you doing the butterfly to peanut butter jelly time. I will miss you making fun of me and my strawberry cupcakes. I will miss your incredible contagious smile. I will miss calling you a dirty Mexican and you calling me a dirty hillbilly. I will miss you making fun of the racks on my truck and me asking you how many tacos you’d had for the day. I will miss bee bopin’ (which I said the other day and immediately started crying.) I will miss posting ridiculous pictures of Kobe Bryant to your FaceBook wall. I will definitely miss our facebook banter. I will miss meeting up and watching basketball at the levee. I will miss our ice cream dates. I will miss going back and forth with you about that little gorilla lookin' man Manny Pacquiao (who I will be rooting for now.) I will miss your absolutely hilarious voicemails. I will miss our conversations via sametime(well I already did.) I will miss you singing you are my sunshine randomly. I will miss your Martin, Jerome in the house, impersonations. I will miss your hilarious impersonations of your daddy, whom I know you loved so much. I will miss your rants in Spanish that no one could understand. We didn't talk quite as much as we used to in the last 4 months as we did before. Man I didn't realize how much I missed you until now. A piece of my heart left with you. I forgot how much fun we had together and how much I laughed every single day with you.
I looked through some of our FaceBook banter for a laugh and I found that you told me you missed me a few months back and I didn't respond. Ugh it makes me sick. I didn't even realize you said it.
Some fun ones I love:
"Just walked into UDF and went hard buying milk..." -because you knew I hated when people say I go hard
"Hey my name is Amy, please allow me to tell it to ya!"
"I Heart u"
"HEY YOU WOODCHUCKS!!!!!!"
- Amy Hogan I had 8 cupcakes.December 2, 2010 at 9:01am ·
Your last message to me, one day before you died, will always stick with me:
"i see u got u a lil southern lover lol thats wassup i'm happy 4 u ma. he better not break your heart..."your achy breaky heart!"
I didn't even get a chance to respond :( I love you and miss you already Jason; I can't believe you're really gone. As long as I’m alive, your memory will never die. Your string of lights will always be bright to me. See you when I get there, but in the mean time say hi to my daddy for me.
When I heard you were gone I immediately thought of this song...
