R.I.P. Slim

May 17, 1983 – December 17, 2009

I never was able to get to know Chris but his death broke my heart for my old friend, his little brother, Marcus. Marcus and I became good friends a couple years back and I've always had a soft spot in my heart for him. Marcus was a friend to me when I really needed one. My father was just diagnosed with cancer and I had went through a bad break up with someone I really loved and Marcus was there for me; without knowing it. He was someone I could truly be myself around and he used to have me laughing til my stomach hurt. I also appreciated that I could talk to him about anything and he encouraged me to follow my dreams. I always got upset with people who judged Chris and his family without knowing them. Marcus is one of the sweetest men I know and I'm sure Chris was as well.

It broke my heart to see him on the news today. He looked so strong and I hope he is able to stay strong for his family. Marcus my heart goes out to you and your family. Time will heal you and Chris will always be with you. Miss you. Much Love. Sleep in peace Chris Henry; I will miss watching you every Sunday.

I realized the other day...

I not nearly as critical as I used to be. I rarely as frustrated as I used to be. I'm rarely unhappy. 99.9% of the time I'm just content. Sometimes I wonder if my contentment is boring? Wondering if I just am kind of coasting through life. The only thing that really makes me unhappy anymore are inconsiderate, selfish people. I know I can't change them though; they have to want to change themselves. I'm hoping that with school over I can become passionate about the things I love again. My spirit changed, I know it's become brighter, but with it my passion couldn't grow because I had been stuck going to work, going to school, going to work, going to school, repeat, repeat, repeat. I'm excited to watch myself grow now; into something more. The someone I've always wanted to be. It's been a work in progress but I think I'm there now :o)

Mentor

Now that college is complete I can finally start to do some things that I want to do. I've always wanted to be a part of the Big Sister program but never got involved (1) because I was always too busy with school (2) I do already have a little sister who I could mentor. With my little sister, not so little anymore and school behind me I fould an organization called Cincinnati Youth Collaborative. I went to their training to become a mentor for a child in the Cincinnati school district. The program is really inspiring, they told us countless stories of horrible things kids in our area are exposed to. Their lack of guidance and love leads them on the wrong path. I get frustrated with people who aren't sensitive to this at all. Think kids end up in jail by their own choice. No one wants to go down a path of destruction, but if that's all they know, normally that's where they head. I'm hoping to show my mentee something different.

I was able to meet my mentee this past Wednesday at her school dowtown. She is so cute!! I'm really excited to get the chance to know her better. She comes from a rough background and more than likely doesn't get a lot of attention at home. My job is to help her with her school work, guide her on the right path, and be a shoulder to lean on when she needs it. For our first time out together I'm going to take her to fountain square to go ice skating. Her younger sister is also going to be mentored by my good friend Kelly so we'll be able to help each other out! Stay tuned for more!

Could it be.....

Mayweather agreed to fight Pacquiao! Now this little a-hole just needs to sign on the dotted line so I can get some tickets to the fight! After what he did to my Cotto, Mayweather better show him not to smile and skip down the isle when he's coming to a BOXING match. Can't wait!

COOKIES!

Why does this make me laugh hysterically every time I see it????

Graduation Day

I think it kind of hit me yesterday as I was walking through the halls that I've grown accustomed to walking through. I've been in college so long I just pretty much assumed that I would always be there. Now I'm a little more than a month away from graduation and it really is a weird feeling! What the heck am I going to do with my free time? This semster I've had a little bit more free time than usual, call it senioritis, I'm done! Get ready for a huge celebration party!

Could it be???

They're constructing something on fountain square. I think it might possibly be the ice skating rink for CHRISTMAS!!! How exciting?!?!

Head Start

Last night was the Spaghetti Dinner Fundraiser that I helped organize for Head Start of Elsmere. Head Start is a comprehensive early childhood education program that was established in 1965 to provide services to preschool children of low-income families. Thousands of three and four year old children and their families have received services through Head Start. Over the years Head Start has become an established program that continues to grow in response to the needs of the community by offering a number of comprehensive services to meet the needs of preschool age children from economically disadvantaged families and/or children with disabilities.

My management class had been given the task to raise money to give the kids a good Christmas this year as their funding has been cut by 80%. The dinner was a great successs! We raised $400 more than our goal and can now deliver Christmas presents to every child as well as a puppet stage they've been wanting. We've decided to paint the stage white and allow all the kids to put their hand prints on the stage.

I have to say I'm definitely not big on asking people to part with their money, it's just not a strong suit for me. I do, however, absolutely LOVE organizing events and participating in them. I loved being a part of it and can't wait to start on the next one!

Frustration

is overflowing from my blood.

I'm starting to have a hard time coping with the ignorance of inconsiderate people. Arrogance is running rampant. I have to check into a debt payment plan. If I can get it all paid off in a year, sell my house and all my possessions maybe, just maybe, I can travel the world with my camera. People would believe this isn't logical. Why not? I'm single, no kids, no real obligation to anything. I'll put in my 2 weeks or maybe just take a leave of absence. I wonder how long I can take one. People do that type of thing right. I read that book Eat, Pray, Love it was a great book. Maybe I could write a book about it, include some pictures I take. Something different has to happen.

Genovese Syndrome

I'm amazed by this. What has happened to people? I've read about this several times and it just doesn't make sense. Now it's happened again and it boggles my mind that 20 people can stand by and watch a 15 year old girl get gang raped and not one of them does anything. Not one. I might be strict in judgement but I think each and every person who was watching should be punished; harshly. That's all I have to say about that.

Hibernation..

..begins again. My heart wants too much of what it doesn't need. I need to slow down and reevaluate my priorities again. Get more of what will truly nourish my soul. I'm still looking; I'm just not sure for what.

Tailgating!

This football season I have been going tailgating with my cousin Jamie, her fiance, and their friends. It has been so much fun!! Here are a couple of pictures from the Broncos game and the Steelers game....

Nothin like a Sunday..

Twisted

So there is a good chance that I no longer know how to date new people. I've been trying to get out there on the dating scene but it seems that I am socially inept when it comes to dating. Some people tell me that it's because I haven't met the right one yet. This of course is probably true but I don't think they know that I don't really give people the chance to be the right one. I pick at silly annoying habits or anything that allows me to have my space again. Does this mean that I'm not capable of allowing someone else into my space? I know that might sound silly but I really have been doing things my own way for so long I don't know really how to allow someone else in. Mr. Right is really going to have to have something wonderful to offer for me to give it up, lol. That's all I have to say about that.

"Smokey Mountain Rain...

keeps on fallin', I keep on callin' his name! Smokey Mountain rain I'll keep on searchin', I can't go on hurtin', this way. He's somewhere in the Smokey Mountain rain."

I need to make a trip to Gatlinburg soon. I think it would be great to get a cabin and relax. Cuddle up by the fire. Watch a movie. Stay in bed all day. Read a book. Light a candle for my Dad-da. I would love it. I need to look into this. Even if it's just me. I could do that.

I met..

someone, who I really like. A lot. It's impractical. I'm tired of the silence. I'll keep quiet. I don't have the energy to fight the unfair. You know that I could use somebody.....

I had a dream....

... last night, that I was a little girl sitting on my dad's lap. He asked me when I graduated and I told him December 15th. He was so excited for me. He told me how proud he was. He promised he'd be there. He kept saying it.

It made me smile when I woke up.

Starving

I know I said the other day that being sheltered from the news is a good thing. I also said I'm not looking forward to going back to school. I am however starving for knowledge. I had a wonderful summer. I've had soooo much fun going out with the girls, laughing, having a good time. I've also greatly enjoyed my new house and the silence. I've been reading a lot too as you can see....... But. The problem is I don't feel like I've been learning anything. I'm starving for some type of new knowledge of something; anything! I've decided to get that through books. I usually read some type of non-fiction but it tells of someone's life not some type of event. That's why I picked up the book I just finished reading called Night. It teaches tales of the Holocaust but isn't a boring text book type of read. Next on my list is "Snow flower and the secret fan" which tells about women of China and the rigid codes of conduct they are forced to follow. I can't believe how bored my mind gets if it's not learning, lol. It amazes me that people go through each day knowing only what they knew yesterday. It drives me insane. Bores me. Of course I like to relax. I'm not constantly looking through books like a mad woman. I used to be possibly one of the laziest people on the planet. I can't do it anymore. I'm starving to know more about anything.

Hilarious

This was forwarded to me in an e-mail and I thought it was absolutely hilarious. I took the liberty to bold first word of the ones that I have either thought of before or strongly agree with.
Random Thoughts of the Day:

• I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
• More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
• Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
• I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
• Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
• I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
• The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
• Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
• There is a great need for sarcasm font.
• Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.
• I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
• How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
• I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
• I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
• The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
• A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
• Was learning cursive really necessary?
• Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
• I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
• Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
• My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
• Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
• How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
• I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
• While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
• MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
• Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
• I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
• Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
• I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
• Bad decisions make good stories
• Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
• Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
• If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
• Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
• You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
• Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
• There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
• I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
• "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
• I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
• While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
• I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
• I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
• When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
• I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
• Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
• As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
• Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
• It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
• I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
• I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
• Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
• Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
• My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
• It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
• I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
• I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
• I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
• The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.

These made me laugh like an idiot in the middle of a quiet office. I hope they did the same for you!

The end of a decade

School starts back on Monday. I couldn't be more unhappy about it. OK I could. I know it's not that bad. I've been pretty much done with school for the last 3 years. I took myself in a direction professionally that I am not particularly fond of. Me? A Institutional Trust & Custody banker? Really? Stocks, Bonds, Notes, Money Market Funds, etc. Amy the artist/photographer who has a boring desk job. Wonderful!

The good news is when I graduate my family is buying me a brand new professional camera. I am mostly excited about that, not so much the piece of paper that says I now have to start paying back 30k in student loan debt.

More and more everyday I want to sell my possessions and move to a far away land with my new camera and my fluffy pillow.

Sheltered

So the silence may be going a bit overboard. I realized today that I really have no idea what's going on in the world around me. I used to be very interested in politics and current events, issues, and concerns. I have become so annoyed with certain types of people and they're ridiculousness that I don't want to hear it anymore. For instance these town hall meetings that are being held for the health care reform. Who are these people!? Yelling out "OBAMA'S A SOCIALIST!" (oh my goodness he wants to help everyone) "YOU SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIM!" (he's so scary!!!) "I'M SCARED OF HIM!" (like a monster!) Now as much as I didn't like Bush and I know many didn't like him and said things about him but I am so sick to death of the extreme right. They're like little babies and at the same time they're big bullies. They might as well just fall down in the middle of the room and start kicking and screaming. I want to forget that people like this exist. Heaven forbid one of these raging lunatics get caught in a bad situation where they need help and their government turns their back, they become homeless, without health care, without ANYONE that gives a shit about them. Why are people so scared of change? This world is always changing? Old women call the bank and hate Internet bill pay because it's change. I couldn't live without it. People hated Elvis. Sometimes I just think people need a reason to complain. They need something to hate to feel purpose. I have a different purpose. I'm not really interested in all the madness in the world anymore. It's a major downer.

Content

I love reading. Absolutely love it. I've promised myself however that I am savings my pennies for Ireland. So I got myself a library card for the main library downtown so I could walk there during a break at work. A friend of mine suggested I read a book called She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb, so I made my way down to the library and checked it out a couple weeks ago. It was a great read and I actually just finished it (I highly recommend it.) While I was laying in bed one night reading before I went to sleep I came across a fortune that was obviously once someone's from inside a fortune cookie. It reads "It is not the outside riches but the inside ones that produce happiness." I've always believed this. It was just weird that it randomly popped up in a library book, my first time checking one out.

It reassured me that I had made the right choice.

Love this!!!

So since I don't have any form of regular TV I sometimes hear from friends or family things they have seen on TV, so I'll youtube if it sounds funny or interesting. This one I absolutely LOVED. This kind of thing really makes me smile and makes me hope these two make it. They wanted their night to be different, taylored to them and they're life together. I can only hope I find someone as fun and silly as this woman did. How adorable!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

Really?????

Sometimes at work I get bored. So I look at cincinow.com to look at local news. I have to say a lot of times I come across really silly news stories and wonder why they report certain things. Today I came across the most ridiculous news story I have ever seen in my life. I'll be watching it to see how it plays out as well.

Here is what the news is reporting so far:

"PRICE HILL -- An 11-year-old Price Hill boy is facing an aggravated robbery charge for allegedly holding up a young girl with a plastic gun in order to steal her scooter.The victim is also 11 years-old, according to authorities.The alleged crime happened around 6 p.m. Monday on the 4400 block of Rapid Run Road. Cincinnati Police reportedly found the young boy minutes later with both the scooter and the gun, which they say was very believable.Officials say his crime constitutes aggravated robbery because he wanted the girl to think the gun was real."

OK now I'm no rocket scientist but I think 11 is still considered a CHILD. A child that still may play cops and robbers or whatever children play these days. I know my cousins and I had fake guns growing up. I was a tomboy. We'd play hide and go seek with fake guns and play dead if we got shot; we all turned out fine. Whatever this child's intentions are he obviously doesn't know any better, he just reached double digits for shit's sake. Take him home, give his ass a spanking and be on your way. Charges?? Court system?? Really?!?!?! Who the hell comes up with this crap? Because I would like to have a talk with him see if he every played cowboys and Indians growing up. I guess that's ok though because this is different.

People are on sites talking about how he should be ripped from his home and the parents should be thrown in jail. The child should be given to foster care. WHAT?! It was a scooter, a toy gun, and he's 11. Anyone of these people saying these ridiculous things could have the same thing happen to them. Mom could have bought him a toy gun and he could have seen a car jacking on TV. Same damn thing. I absolutely despise people who act "holier than thou." Drives me batty!!!

This is where tax dollars are going, though? To keep toy guns off the street? The kid might be bad but foster care is going to make him worse. He'd be put in a home with no mom and dad and a bunch of other kids who are bad. All for playing cops and robbers, with a water gun. Sounds like no child left behind to me. Sounds like he's going to be our next Harvard law graduate. Our system sucks, way worse than some kids being kids on a Monday evening.

I'm not excusing what the kid did and I'm not denying that he was out of line. I just don't understand how this world got so far gone. When I was a kid if this would have happened they would have returned the scooter and Billy would have gotten a bad ass spanking and would have been sent to bed. Billy would have known from the look on his mamma's face that he better not never ever ever do nothin' like that ever again in his life. End of story. Now we want to throw Billy in foster care, where most likely he'll never have a chance in hell at making anything out of himself. Then you'll wonder why Billy is climbing through your window with a real gun asking for all your valuables.

Working with Aliens

My job is the epitome of unprofessional. This one went out today from a co-worker..

"Lisa, Emily and Katie could you all please split my spreadsheet since Emily already doing Amy. (Sorry)"

I could hear her giggling at her desk because she wrote Emily is doing Amy. She's 55 years old and that was sent to the floor.

I'm all for being silly and having fun in the office, but sending out an e-mail like this to everyone? In my old department you would have gotten in some kind of trouble for being unprofessional. Not here.

I need a new job.

The cartoon below made me laugh because I really think if you told my boss this, she might actually believe it.

Motherland

I've decided that I am going to do everything I can to save up enough money to go to Ireland next year. It's going to be a graduation present to myself. I've always wanted to go but never thought I would be able to anytime soon. I'm not sure why I thought that. Yes it's going to be expensive but as long as I cut back and save money, why can't I? One thing I have been trying to do lately is to stop convincing myself things aren't possible, when they are. They have amazing deals on traveling there right now and I am hopeful that those same opportunities will be offered this time next year.

I can honestly say I want to go on this trip alone. I know that no one will think it's a good idea and that it's dangerous. I really think I would love the continued silence, in one of the most gorgeous places on this planet. Where my father's family came from. What better way to continue healing? I know I would want to visit pub's though and that might be nice to have someone to go with. I just want to be selfish on this trip. I want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it. No bickering, no frustration, nothing. Just silence. With these as my backdrop...

Grandpa

Paul Whittle

1924-2009

I don't even know where to start with my grandpa. I think the last 15 years of his life he has just been waiting to be reunited with my grandma. In his death I can be happy for him that he will finally get to do that. The last couple years he has been in a nursing home and has had a slight case of dementia. These last couple years with him has been fun. He was always calling everyone sweetie and everyone was his girlfriend. Everyone at the nursing home loved him! A couple of the residents even had crushes on him! Below was last year at Christmas he was showing us his boxing moves before he chowed down on his lunch.

The picture below is from his birthday last year. He and Michelle were giving me a thumbs up for the camera! I absolutely love this picture :o)

Grandpa blowing me a kiss! Every time I said good-bye I would blow a raspberry on his cheek. I have no idea how this tradition started but I had been doing it since I was a little girl.
Giving a wave to the camera.
Today I washed my car for him. He always loved a nice shiny car. I don't care what kind of car it was, if it was nice and clean he liked it. My grandpa always held a soft spot in my heart because I was very attached to my grandma who died when I was only 13. I have countless fond memories of my grandma and grandpa because they always baby sat me as a kid. I used to fake sick when I was in grade school so I could spend the day at my grandparent's house. I remember my grandpa (just as my dad did) telling us stories about monsters trying to scare us until my grandma would come in and save the day. She would always say "Oh, Paul leave those kids alone!"

My grandpa was a great man and lucky him to be with his wonderful wife again. He has lived a long healthy life and I know he's been waiting to go home for some time now. May sound weird but I know he has. I'm sad for him to go as he is my last paternal grandparent but if this thing called heaven is really there I can smile for him.

Love you Grandpa! Say hi to my daddy for me!! :o)

Watching the Dead

I was thinking the other day about watching old home videos. Something that might be really fun and make you laugh as you watch a younger less experienced version of yourself.

I thought about digging out old videos but I have no idea if I would be able to watch my dad on film. Alive. Talking. Laughing. Why does that seem so CREEP-AY to me??? Would I just be torturing myself? Part of me really wants to watch though. Just to remember.

I thought about Bernie Mac. He has a couple children and died at a young age. How do his children cope with that? Do they watch his movies when they miss him?? Listen to his stand-up? Is that a really mean thing to do to yourself?

I guess we'll see. I think I will have to find them and watch, just to remember. I can always press stop.

Bossy

Actual e-mail from my boss to the floor...

"If you would like to bring something in for the party. Amy(<-- me) will be organizing the sign up sheet for the food. She will be taking e-mail request if you do not want to see her."

I don't know why she hates me. I really don't.

Poor Kitty

I had a bad experience last night. I heard something out side hurting a kitty cat. It sounded like it was in pain and my cats were very upset. I tried to stop it but I think I may have been too late. I said a prayer for the kitty face and I hope its ok

Silence

I'm actually quietly and secretly happy about my new predicament. I haven't completely shed myself of a relationship in close to five years. I've always had that weight of trying to love someone who is 10 steps ahead of me. Trying to love a stone wall covered in a barbed wire fence. All of us are different in our own ways but he was far more than just different and he prided himself on this. I always wanted to be the one that this "different" man picked because there were many things that were very special about him. I think I may have been the one that he picked but because this stone wall goes about things in such an odd manner; he is just not the one that I want to pick.

I am however excited to also meet the right one someday. I've been in and out of this "different" relationship so long that I don't even know what to expect from a real one. Sometimes I think about a man that I passed up for my stone wall. Someone who I believe was probably real and true. Who may have been exactly what I was looking for. I try not to pine over it, as all things happen for a reason. I try and remember that if things are meant to be they will. I try to be a bit more spiritual and a lot less hard on myself these days.

So now I have no one to look to. No one to give myself to. Right now that's really ok with me. I love the silence. Last night I actually heard my heart beating. Is that weird? Well I thought it was. I was lying in bed reading and all the sudden I heard what sounded like a heart beat. I had to stop and listen and the sound continued for about 10 seconds. I think it was my heart beat. I'm extremely happy I moved. It's so peaceful and I really couldn't be happier with it. I made the decision not to get cable at this point. Right now pointless ramblings and reality TV cloud my head. I watch a netflix movie here and there and then read my book. Sometimes I draw, and sometimes I just sit.

The silence is healing.

This song makes my heart feel full

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvTwFl6OIAk

It reminds me of sitting on my daddy's couch in the basement while he played his Randy Travis records and a place I'm trying to get to in my life.

I know he'll help me say I told you so.

Never Ever

I tried long and hard to make things work. It was worth my time because it is what my heart really wanted. I've learned you can never convince someone that love is more important than what is most important to that person. Sometimes love doesn't conquer all. I've never been broken, no matter how close I've come to the edge. My love will never leave, and he will always have a piece, but I must not wait any longer.

I will believe that intentions were always good. That ways were lost. That paths can always cross at a better time; this I will not always rely on. My heart has been shattered before, I can pick up the pieces once again. No matter how many times it breaks it will always be good. No one can shake the woman I have become. The woman who deserves more.

Vegas!!!!

I had the best time ever in Vegas!!! I know this is a spot I will go back to often. The sun was hot, the walks were long, and the time difference was hard to adjust to. However the pool was cool, the mojitos were cool, the strip was a blast, the shows were hilarious, and the clubs were really fun!

Our Hotel

Elise and I were the only two to make it out the first night. We got in on Thursday night and walked around for hours. We were exhausted but we couldn't pass up going out the first night.

Friday we did some souvenier shopping and went to the pool during the day and went to dinner, a male review and a really nice club. This was also the only night that all four of us went out.

Saturday we walked around a bit in the morning to get some food and then ended up at the pool for a few hours. The pool was so much fun! As soon as we got there the DJ was looking for 2 judges of a cupid shuffle contest. Elise and I volunteered and won a free bucket of beer. We had a blast at the pool. After the pool we got cleaned up and went to dinner. We went to a restaurant at our hotel and it was amazing! The best steak I've ever had. Then we headed to Fremont St. or Old Vegas, where Vegas started. I LOVED it there. They had live bands, a parade, fireworks and a light show.

After old Vegas Lisa Elise and I went to club Tao which was really nice.


Sunday we had a Stripper 101 class scheduled. It was so much fun. We got a free drink, free t-shirt and a stripper license. It was hilarious trying to swing around on a pole, especially when you have no upper body strength! Each of us had tank tops made with a stripper name on it.
Me- Chocolate Swirl
Jenna- Vanilla Latte
Elise- Shortastic
Lisa- Debbie Downer

After Stripper 101 we were on a mission to find a buffet that had warm crab legs. We found one at the Rio called Carnival buffet. It was huge! I'm not a fan of seafood so I had a ton of different foods. The rest of the girls had 24,059,485lbs of crab legs.

Afterwards Lisa and Elise went to club Pure while Jenna and I walked the strip. We had been there for 3 days and hadn't seen the MGM, New York, or Circus Circus. Of course there was a lot more we didnt see but we hadn't gone down to that side of the strip. We bought 40's and did some site seeing.

We had the greatest time! Can't wait to go back!